leaving cold

i don’t like the cold
how it nips and tugs at me
and how i have to curl up deep inside
to hold onto the warmth

no,
i don’t like being cold at all
and yes,
i’m being metaphorical…

as the leaves fall outside my window….

as the air takes on the bite of winter to come

so many, many thoughts that come from this thought

but so much work to do

i’m drowning in my numbers

and oddly enough

they are exactly what’s keeping me afloat

days like these

i see the hurt

and the joy

i feel my pain

and my shine…

i am All

and i am Nothing

and that is my warm place

when i lie next to the cold at night

finding this moment

what is there to say?

when the world just keeps on going…

and you keep putting one foot in front of the other.

granted you may (if you think of it)…

set your toes down first

that makes it all a bit different

yes

i like doing that.

makes me think so hard that i forget all the rest

and it is only this moment

and this step

and this breath

yes.

and then there are the moments…

sitting along the cliff’s edge

humming tunes and spinning stars

and another comes up alongside

and sits down quietly….

and starts swinging their legs with you

while looking off into the yonder…

yes.

i like those moments too.

for they are only this moment

and this note

and this breath

and you are breathing them together

one and only One…

I believe in "soulmates".  In so far as I understand it.  I get the concept of connection and being more connected or ‘closer to’ someone than another. I believe that we are all "soulmates". I can’t not believe that because it’s simply my Truth.  I close my eyes and see it all….red and white threads that weave and wind and connect…

I think that to believe that there is only one is to fool ourselves into limited thinking and limited life flow.  That’s not to say that I don’t struggle with it everyday.  That’s not to say that I don’t long for someone to share life with, to share this ‘connection’ with.  That’s not to say that I think that everyone is suited to one another.  (Notice how many times the word ‘one’ comes up here?)  No, we’re all at different places along our path…it’s just that it’s all the same path and we’re all headed to the same place and so….we are all soulmates.  We are all One.

Can you open to that?  Can you let that much love in and out?  Can you let your idea of what love is go?

I don’t know if I can just yet but I’m trying.  I want to. 

I see the Divine in everyone.  Look…really look.  It’s there.

In
every
one.

I am God and Goddess and so are You.

This is what I want the world to see.

upside down thoughts…

fall in a glass on my front porch railing, originally uploaded by _anjolie_.

sometimes you have to step back…
to really see…
and sometimes you have to turn the world upside down…
to really notice…
that the leaves are only just starting to change
and that nothing you do will make that happen any faster
or any slower…
no matter which way you prefer it to go…
so, you gotta make a decision
move further south
or get out your sweaters…

stepping out of the maelstrom for a moment…

i am the answer
i am the question
i am everything
and i am nothing
i am the words
and the spaces between the lines
i am the sound
and the silence
i am the ocean
and the shore

i hear the train at the station
she’s ready
i feel the perforated edges of the ticket stub in my hand
i look at you with my question
you hold the answer in your palm

what is the question?

did you buy two tickets for Timbucktoo
or are you going to Kalamazoo?

maelstrom

“The loneliness was still there…

but it was getting louder and easier to dance to.”

~unknown

 

This is what I am waiting for….

for it to get louder…

and easier to dance to….

In the meantime…the dark angel calls

Do you hear him?

It’s a beautiful, haunting tune…

perhaps it is the same song as the loneliness

or perhaps it is just that dying time of the year…

Do you remember the Phantom on the other side of the mirror?

I rather think I would have held his hand…

and I don’t know that I would have let him go…

I have a strange love…

for the darkness

and yes, i’m inbetween

ever

seeing into

seeing into, originally uploaded by _anjolie_.

look out over the water
ships are sinking at the sound
see me here…
see the rain washing over…
feel the flood-tide of the solitude
here
in my insides
i am emptied
and i am ready

creating god

What do you do when you wake up one day and realize that you created god?

Do you run for the hills?
Do you admit yourself to the insane asylum?
Do you tell anyone?
Do you breathe and wait for the moment to pass?

What if it doesnt?

Then what?

red angel

i don’t believe in love i say…
and i still don’t know where i sent the angel
or if i even told her to come back
she was carrying something red in her hands
but they were held up against her belly
and i couldn’t see inside
but i look down at my own hands and see red there too
so i know whatever it was was something i gave her
i feel lost
is the insanity the price i pay
for dreaming?

that time of year…

It’s that time of year…no, not because it’s fall (so much) but because it’s the dying time (isn’t that the same thing?).  Yeah…I guess so. 

My grandmother passed in November and as it draws near I feel it.  It’s the start of the dying time for me.  I’ve been looking around and it seems as if that time has already started for many of my friends.  Strange how these things happen.  Or, maybe not so strange.

My dear friend Maggie is the one who pointed it out to me.  She told me that it’s a good time of the year to die…that it was natural.  Bugger went and died on me in the summer though….she always liked to buck the system.

I have a new friend.  She sounds just like my Maggie on the phone.  Has her sense of humour too.  It’s almost like talking to Maggie.  Enough so that I have to watch myself.  I’ll start talking to her like she knows this and that and the other thing when in fact…we’ve never talked about such things at all. 

Anyways, the painting above is one I did years ago.  It was of my Maggie’s horses.  She loved her horses.  They were all Appaloosas.  From left to right:  Sugar, Andy and Tashi.  We had some good times riding those horses and watching the ravens…