(white ponies – 4×4 inch – watercolour, pen & ink)

I’m remembering more of my dreams.  I’ve dreamed of a white pony and a crowd of people , most of whom are familiar to me.  They all want the pony to go out “somewhere” but I tell them no, that he’s not quite ready and at the same time I tell the pony that he’s going to have to go “out there” soon.  I’m watching over him you see and the “out there” is outside of the pen, outside of the barn…out into a city of sorts. 

I’m remembering more of my daytime dreams as well.  I cancelled the plans for the online accounting degree.  As much as I like putting numbers in boxes, I hate being stuck in front of a computer all day – it’s one of my greatest complaints of my current job.  Accounting is a pretty reliable profession but it doesn’t make my heart sing.  It isn’t what I really want to do with my life, at all.

If the sky was the limit I would  go study at a atelier – a traditional realist art study program.  Yep, that’s what I would do.  And I would learn how to paint those glowing portraits and landscapes that I fell in love with staring into the Encylopedia Brittanica when I was five years old.  There’s nothing like that even close to where I live and the logistics with a child and my husband working out of state feel insurmountable…but that’s my dream.  There’s a studio art program at our University of Virginia and at the community college in Charlottesville.  Perhaps there’s something there I could do, somehow, someday, some way. 

And there’s still that massage school idea.  I just need to figure out how to pay the tuition that the loans won’t cover and some way to move to make the schedule work with Emma going to school this fall.  She’ll be starting Kindergarten!  When did that happen?!?  Or my husband could get a job within a half hour of home and I could take the evening classes…but that’s looking less and less likely. 

I don’t want to give up on my dreams.  I love being mommy but I still want to be me too.  And I’ve got lost time to make up for and time with my girl that I don’t want to keep losing by working at a high-stress job that zaps me of my energy and creativity.  I also need a job that flows.  I’m putting on my thinking cap.  There’s got to be some way I can keep earning some income and yet be able to go back to school and/or have the time I need to spend on my art.  I’ve got one idea…just not sure if it’s a viable one yet.

Meanwhile, I keep gaining weight and my good ankle is starting to swell the way that my bad ankle did before I had surgery on it.  Not a good sign.  I’ve got to get my exercise bike fixed (we put in the new part but it’s still not working right) or I’ve got to get a new one somehow.  It’s the only cardio I can do that doesn’t cause me problems.  Money is super tight but it’d still be cheaper to replace it than it would be to buy a new wardrobe.  Seriously.  I’m thinking of trying those Acai berries…as well as a trip to the doctor.  Perhaps my thyroid is wacking out again.  That’d explain the weight and the water-retention and the tiredness.  All the B vitamins in the world aren’t going to counteract a messed up thyroid.  Gosh, I’m having all these troubles at 31.  I’d better get them straight or I’ll be a real mess by the time I’m 40! :)

So, we’ve got company showing up in about 20 minutes.  It’s snowing.  I’m making a artichoke sausage with vodka sauce pasta dish for dinner.  My husband just got back from the store with some rosemary bread (because I spent the morning de-bugging the pc (again) and didn’t feel like baking).  I’ve got a notion for a big art project with my watercolours…and that’s all I’m going to say about that. I’m working on rounding up all my ‘re(a)d letters’ photos so I can make a bunch of prints.  I think the book project will be easier for me to work on if I could hold the photos in my hands instead of staring at my monitor.  I’m more of a ‘hands on’ kind of person.  Things make more sense when I can hold the pieces…

Holding pieces – painting dreams.  Feels like the same thing.