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I’ve been dealing with matters of the heart of late…but then what isn’t a matter of the heart? So many things are…
I was washing my little girl’s hair yesterday and out of the blue I started singing this song. I haven’t done that since I was a little girl myself. Growing up, we watched a lot of old movies (which weren’t quite as old back then) and I loved South Pacific. I still can sing most of the songs from it. Anyways, after seeing this movie as a little girl I would sing this song every time I washed my hair. My mother would sing it along with me too. No one knew though, that when I sang it, I was trying to wash my daddy out of my hair. Not my stepfather, but my biological father who had left us. I wanted him outta my hair, I wanted to stop loving him so that I could stop missing him.
My little girl latched onto the snappy tune right away and at I first I felt bad about passing it on but then I realized that is quite a snappy little tune and that her daddy will always be here for her, no matter what. And that makes me a very happy mommy.
I know it’s been 7 years already…
But I feel like I’m just now getting to know you.
And it feels like falling in love…
Happy Birthday to you!
Everything about you is especially fine.
I love what you are, I love what you do…
Oooooo, I love you!”
And a very Happy Valentine’s Day to all of you!
lyrics: Sandra Boynton
And it’s never going to be you.
So just stop your wondering and wishing and hopeful breath holding.
Stop looking.
Stop reaching.
This is it.
This is what you got.
And if it ain’t enough…figure out a way to live with it.
‘Cause it’s all you’re going to get.
“It’s not all about you Anjolie…so get over yourself.”
“I know, I just thought…well…that maybe there was more…”
I feel myself churning inside again, my tigress pacing her cell, scraping her claws against the cold walls of the deep, deep well until it hurts so much that I have to throw her a bone…only it doesn’t satisfy her (it never does) and I start to cry, turning to liquid, perhaps in hopes that I can drown her if I can only make the water deep enough….
The whole family around the kitchen sink helping me wash my hair.
Amazing how much better being clean makes a person feel.
Now, back to our slumber party…
The birthday party was a huge success!
Doctor gave her a clean ’script and all was well.
Mommy was busy trying to capture it all on camera of course…and forgot to change the ISO back from 1600. Argh! So all my pics are more than a tad bit grainy. (At least I charged the battery though …)
Happy Birthday baby girl…
I love you all the way to the moon….and back!
talking about the sun, originally uploaded by _anjolie_.
it’s not her job to make life worth living
but somedays that’s exactly what she does…
we were drawing pictures in the sand with our feet
i drew a heart
“is that my heart mommy?” she asked.
“yes, love, that’s your heart,” i replied.
“oh, thank you mommy!” she exclaimed….and then she drew me a heart too.
“Something religious?” the man asked.
“Noooo, silly….a map to the stars!” said the little boy in the orange raincoat.
A map to the stars…
“So whose to worry
If our hearts get torn
When that hurt gets thrown
Don’t you know this life goes on
And won’t you kiss me
On that midnight street
Sweep me off my feet
Singing ain’t this life so sweet
This years love had better last
Heaven knows it’s high time.”
~David Gray
“This Year’s Love”
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