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Has it been eight years?
It has.
I remember driving down the highway in New York State and seeing the signs “Manhattan Closed”.
Who closes Manhattan?
I remember seeing the many long caravans and hardly another car on the road.
Was it World War III?
I remember the shock as I watched a plane fly into the World Trade Center and not knowing what to do so we went to the gym just to keep moving…and then the second plane.
We stopped moving for a bit then…
I remember.
Hard to believe it’s already been eight years.
My condolences to all those who lost a loved one on that fateful day.
I know it’s silly, but I feel a bit mournful. I love watching “House” and “Top Design” and well…that’s about it but still! And my little one is going to miss her “Sponge Bob” and “iCarly” but we’ll make do. I’m pretty sure I have some Disney videos around here somewhere…you know, stuff about how ’someday your prince will come and rescue you’….(haha). Okay, so maybe we’ll need to slowly update our dvd collection but until then Netflix will suffice. It’s amazing how much cheaper it is than basic cable even. And then, I’m not sure just what my husband is going to do. I hope he doesn’t start staring me. I get unnerved when I’m stared at. *sighs and rolls eyes at herself* Well, we’re all making some sacrifices around here but some part of me thinks that losing the cable tv might be better for us than we can imagine. Who knows, maybe we’ll even pick up a book or something.
And besides, it’s not like we turned off the internet…
I mean, really…can you imagine?
:P
But it’s sure a pain in the ass.
The large lateral incision site on my ankle hasn’t fully closed. It started bleeding this weekend, a very small amount, but being seven weeks post-surgery it shouldn’t be bleeding at all. I went to the docs to have it checked out and they put a super-duper silver dressing on it and I’m not to get it wet (which means I’m back to sponge bathing – ugh!). I also have to put off my physical therapy a mininum of three week and until I get the clear from the doc. *sighs* I’m not sure which I’m more bummed about. I was really enjoying taking showers again. He did say I was clear to go crutchless as soon as I felt able. (That made me feel better about the crutch-free puttering I’ve been doing while organizing the home office.)
Work tomorrow and most likely the rest of the week. Women’s group again Thursday night (and yes, I’m going). Halloween on Friday (zombie cheerleader girl and all). Hunt Races Saturday (including Jack Russel Races) with barbecue at our house afterwards and then Sunday I’m torn between a birthday party and Amos Lee coming to the Paramount. I’ll probably let my wallet make that decision but I may be too worn out for either. Getting my marriage and life back to happily is taking up all my free time! Not that I’m complaining…this is all very good stuff.
It’s still touch and go right now…
I’m definitely not out of the well…
But the clouds are parting from time to time…
And though I still occasionally need to sit and rest, I’m finding my way back to my feet…
And I’m making plans for my book and my art…
And finding joys in supporting my loved ones in the ways that I am able…
And the strangest thing of all has come over me of late…
Well, it’s not so very strange, just strange to notice that it’s there because I can’t figure out how it could have ever went away…
(I guess that’s just how dark a well can be at times…)
I am completely and utterly in love with my little girl.
And I don’t know how I ever lost sight of that…
…it was my late evening trip to the grocery store that did it last night.
I live in a small (tiny) town and the only grocery store we have is a Food Lion which, while I can get the basic necessary staples, does not offer much in variety or much for the health conscious, let alone a vegetarian. Imagine my surprise as I walk into the crazy mess of a remodel to not only find new, clean refrigeration units but also a whole section dedicated to organics! And not only are they carrying organics now but a few of my favorite health food lines! No longer must I travel 35 minutes out of town to pick up veggie taco filling or my yummy flax seed granola or little fruit sticks for my girl! I was so excited that I ended up hanging out for 45 minutes instead of my planned 15.
As I was checking out the colourful bagger claimed, “Everybody’s going organic!” I laughed and told her that it wasn’t all that new, it’s just that we had all been going to the city to do our shopping.
On top of this wonderful news I have even more wonderful news. I found another wonderful home daycare only this one is on my way to work rather than 20 minutes out of town. I feel badly about moving my girl as the lady that is currently watching her is really just lovely but an hour and 20 minutes a day is an hour and 20 minutes a day.
I could really do a happy-happy dance right now.
Such is the most recent (and broadly used) ‘term of the week’ in use by my little girl. She learned it from her daddy (“Thanks Daddy.”) and there’s a high likelyhood that any question directed her way will get this response.
Of course she’s not really the boss, well….I mean….um…..okay, she’s the boss but still, I’m the Mommy! So, when this whole attitude thing gets really deep, out of control, a wee bit outta hand I counter her incessant, ever curious and adorable “why’s?” with “Because I’m the Mommy, that’s why!”. Which, of course, only garners me eye-rolling, big sighs, or a “Fine, Mama”.
(The whole eye-rolling thing is starting to be a bit much. It seems to be accompanying any request that I make of her these days, though I let it go because at least she’s doing what I ask. I mean, that’s my perogative being the mommy and all….)
Side note: Her Daddy says she gets her attitude from me. Can you imagine? *rolls eyes*
- That my husband finds work soon.
- That we make the right decision on where to accept said employment.
- That we don’t make the decision to not move just because I’m afraid but take all things into consideration.
- That we find a way to clearly communicate about this without arguing.
- That it becomes clear to me if now is the time to go back to school (it seems as if the Universe is against it but then it may just be making me prove my intent).
- That the insurance for whatever job he gets kicks in quickly so that I can the needed surgery on my ankle.
It’s a small town that they want us to move to. About 3,500 people in the town itself and 5,000 in the whole county. It’s the third largest county in Oregon. It’s a three hour drive to ANYWHERE from there. There’s no tango but more importantly, there’s no massage school. Sure, the money would be great – I wouldn’t have to work; I’d have time to paint again and maybe write a book or two (still working on those ideas) but then it’s not like our marriage has been stellar lately and just four weeks ago the agreement was for me to go back to school so that I’d be better able to support myself when we separated. This seems to really circumvent that whole series of events, let alone I’d be in a pretty isolated area. I’m not quite the cowgirl I used to be but the idea of having a horse or two again is tempting. It’d be such a change though. Such a drastic change. I don’t handle drastic changes all that well (even if I do have a love for the dramatic).
He might be getting a job offer up in the BIG CITY again. It’d be back to that darn commute though. It takes up so much of his day that there’s precious little left for us and what is left goes to our daughter. I’m not opposed to us staying married if things continue to improve (things have strangely improved since we agreed to separate) but I don’t see where spending four hours on the road is going to help that. Maybe the pay increase would be enough that we could move further north IF we could get the house sold (we are in a declining market as most of the country is) or maybe we could wait until next year, which would allow for my schooling to get completed. I’ve got to get it started first though…
*sighs*
We’ve managed a way to make the coming mortgage payment. That’s a relief.
I’m still playing the whole daycare arrangement by ear.
Thankfully my boss is keeping my job for me at this point.
Today I did a less than stellar job handling all of this when it came up as I was trying to dash out the door to work. I’ve since apologized…
I really need to get some needed ’stress relief’ attention. Dancing on my aching ankle isn’t cutting it anymore. I’ll add that to my prayer request above.
I know it will all be okay in the end.
It’s always okay in the end.
It’s 79F today in Virginia!
I’ve got the windows open and a warm breeze blowing through my house!
Sometimes it’s not so bad to have to call in sick to work. Sometimes it’s not so bad at all….
I think me and the little girl might go out and play in the leaves if she’s feeling up to it. She finally ate some cucumbers and apple slices…. I think she’s on the mend.
“Spring is coming, Spring is coming, Spring is coming!”
I’m going to be incredibly brave today…and yes, I’ve been stalling (it’s 1:00pm already) but I’m gonna do it. I’m going shopping.
(I may just stick to the grocery store though…we’ll see.)
…like the fact that I was able to account for each check in the policy batch.
And then the fact that there was curry powder in the cupboard when went to look for it.
Now, if I can just get these eggs to peel…..
Yeah, I’m happy today (and it’s November).
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