i belong to the music (a continuation of “on being ‘good enough’”)

i started going out to dance for the dance…
and for the haunting music.
but it wasn’t hardly a moment before i started worrying about whether or not i could belong.
and whether or not i’d ever be ‘good’ (let alone ‘good enough’).
or if i’d always be too clumsy and too big and too fat…

i get ready to go dancing tonight
after a year and a half of bad ankles and surgery and healing…and still healing
and an additional 15 lbs.
and i’m not worrying about whether or not i belong
or how good i’ll be
i’ll be as good as i can be
and i’ll talk to who i want to talk with…
and i’ll dance as much as i can dance before i can’t anymore….
because i’m back to dancing for the dance
and i belong to the music.

“I didn’t really know what I wanted to do…

…but I knew the woman I wanted to become.”

He said to imagine myself as the woman I want to be.  He asked me if I knew who that was and I do…

I want to be my fourth grade teacher.  She was strong and supportive and inspiring.  She asked for more of me, never letting me get away with ‘average’ and yet…I always felt ‘good enough’ for her.  She encouraged me to read, read, read and draw, draw, draw and to chase after my dreams no matter how small the town that I lived in was.  I traded Christmas cards with her for a few years…

I want to be my first vocal coach.  She always wore flowing clothing and the most beautiful scarves around her neck.  She sang jazz with style and performed in many plays at the college.  She taught me that there is no such thing as a ‘wrong’ note.  “It’s just not the one we were looking for so grab another,” she would tell me when my face scrunched up at a sharp note.  She was full of so much confidence and light and I wanted to be her…

One of first people that comes to mind besides these women when I think about who I want to be like is Diane von Furstenberg.  Maybe it’s that American Express commercial.  Maybe it’s her appearance on ”The Rachel Zoe Project”.  Maybe it’s just that glow she has and her desire to help other women shine… 

“To be confident makes you beautiful, makes you happy, makes you fulfilled.”

I don’t know exactly how to overcome these voices that tell me I’m not good enough and I’m not deserving of happiness but I’m going to start imagining that I do.  I’m going to start imagining myself as the woman I want to be, because I know exactly who she is…even if I’m not exactly sure what she’s going to do when she grows up.

Quotes: Diane von Furstenberg

It’s all your fault!

Yes, it is.  It’s all your fault for being so green-on-green with your shiny-happy crome and your “For Sale” sign.  It’s all your fault that I’m up at 1:00 a.m. drawing floorplans and scheming on all the nice ways I could talk my husband into moving furniture around for me tomorrow (of course, he’ll do it just because he loves me).  Yep, it’s all your fault for being so darn perfect in everyway…

That or I’m more like my mother than I care to admit… 

(Amazing what $40.00 and a six pack of homebrew can get you these days isn’t it?) 

You’re gonna be so darn pretty when I get done cleaning you up…

 

(Please note: Matching tape dispenser included.)

I still have my red shoes, yes I do, yes I do…

And today I swept my floors for the first time in seven weeks. (Okay, so hubby swept them a few times too but they were seriously b.a.d.)  It felt like a major accomplishment and I can handle the clutter much better when the floors are clean.  Maybe tomorrow I’ll try mopping.

It got me to thinking (while I hobbled around in my brace).  I could almost imagine dancing again…almost.  I know it’s still a very, very long ways off but the little thrill was there.  

I’ve been keeping myself away from the music.  Not being able to move to it was too disheartening and I decided that if I was to be still that I was gonna be “still” but I’m ready to hear the music again tonight and so I feel like sharing.

This is El Pulpo.  I actually met him when he came to Charlottesville.  Alas, I was too shy and self-conscious to dance with him and my babysitter expired at midnight so when he asked me (as I was heading out the door) I had to refuse stating my car was soon to turn into a pumpkin.  (Sometimes I really want to kick myself.)  Anyways, he’s got quite a unique style and it’s not the norm but it sure is cool!

This music is by The Gotan Project.  It’s what they consider Neo-tango – tango with a modern twist.  I like this style in moderation – I really love the “classic” sound in comparison (though what’s “classic” can be a topic of hot debate) but there’s a great flow to this style.  And this video is so amazing on so many levels.  It really captures all the angles of a tango (no pun intended) but that’s a whole ‘nother post (or two or three) about polarities.  :D

And here is Ester and Chiche.  My German friend dances with them and someday I’ll be in this very salon dancing tango through the night and working on our book during the day.  It’s gonna be one heck of a working vacation.  As you can see this style is quite different again - there are so many styles of tango dancing with the “Argentine Tango” umbrella.  I get irritated with “this is the right way” and “this is the wrong way” unless we are talking about basics of course (which I’m still trying to master).

And now for my favorite style of all….milonga.

When a set of milongas come on the dance floor generally clears.  Not many men are comfortable dancing to this quick beat.  If I’m lucky (and I work hard at being lucky) I’ll snag one of the finest milonga dancers I’ve ever danced with and it’s the most joyful thing I’ve ever moved my feet to.  It’s very earthy and there’s a lot of room for expression (if you can move your feet that fast!).  I LOVE dancing a milonga …

*sighs*

Yeah, I can’t wait until I’m dancing again…even if I have to wear my little flat jazz shoes.

Butterfly Dreams

 

I got me some butterfly wings so I can fly, fly, fly…
And catch myself some dreams.

I got me some butterfly dreams…
That I can hold onto when things seem but not seem.

He huffs and puffs and makes a lot of noise…
But the walls fall down of their own accord.

“Watch out for the bees…
Sometimes they sting.”

 

“Blah, blah, blah, Humpty-Dumpty,” she sings.

I got me some butterfly wings so I can fly, fly, fly…
And catch the stars that she weaves.

And she learned the hard way to not play with the bumbles…

Happy Birthday Baby!

The birthday party was a huge success! 

Doctor gave her a clean ’script and all was well.

Mommy was busy trying to capture it all on camera of course…and forgot to change the ISO back from 1600.  Argh!  So all my pics are more than a tad bit grainy.  (At least I charged the battery though …)

Happy Birthday baby girl…

I love you all the way to the moon….and back!

Hello Kitty is my friend too…

Birthday Party Checklist:

þ Hello Kitty Cake (with butterflies)
þ Hello Kitty Balloons
þ Hello Kitty Streamers
þ Hello Kitty Plates
þ Hello Kitty Napkins
þ Hello Kitty Cups
þ Hello Kitty “Happy Birthday” Banner
þ Hello Kitty Tablecloth
þ Hello Kitty Wrapping Paper
þ Wrap Presents
þ Charge Camera Battery
þ Put Battery Back in Camera

I think we’re all set.

Now we just need the all clear from the doctor that we don’t have strep throat (again).  Thank goodness for the 9-12 Saturday morning clinic.  Worst case scenario it’ll have to be a small party but Nana and Poppy are already here so it’ll be fun no matter what!

Only took her over two hours to get to sleep tonight.  You’d think it was Christmas or something.. :)

¨ Sleep for Mommy
¨ Color Mommy’s hair
¨ Doctor Appointment

Who wants to bet I only get two out of those three done tomorrow?
 
P.S.  Couldn’t find that happy little tune above in English but had to share…

It’s done!

That’s my lil’ sister’s wedding scrapbook album. She’s expecting in October – I thought it might be nice if I got her album to her before she had her baby…

It’s involved sewing and stapling and glueing and ironing (yes, ironing) and hole punching and lots and lots of time moving pictures around (though not two year’s worth – I’ve just been busy with other things).  My favorite pages are posted over here (betcha’ didn’t know I was a total scrapbooking geek ;) ) and you can see that it has in fact been a work in progress for two years. 

Whew!

It’s done.

I can hardly believe it.

And I am so happy with it that I can hardly wait to give it to her! 

(Brown paper packages tied up with strings…)

Because I Brake for Ikea…

Get your own here.

Thanks to hellophotokitty, that was fun!

Mosaic

Ony did this to me…

Okay, really…I just couldn’t resist (and that’s odd for me because I’m not a ‘pass the tag around’ kind of girl).

So, here´s how you do it…if you so choose (and if you do it’d be fun for me if you’d share the link to your post here).

Type your answer to each of the questions below into Flickr search, using only the first page, choose your favorite image, copy and paste each of the URL’s into the mosaic maker (3 columns, 4 rows).

The questions:
1. What is your first name? (Anjolie)
2. What is your favorite food? (Chinese)
3. What high school did you attend? (Lake Quinault)
4. What is your favorite color? (Yellow)
5. Who is your celebrity crush? (Johnny Depp)
6. Favorite drink? (Cosmopolitan)
7. Dream vacation? (Italy)
8. Favorite dessert? (Chocolate Cake)
9. What do you want to be when you grow up? (Artist)
10.What do you love most in life? (The Moments Inbetween)
11. One word to describe you. (Deep)
12. Your Flickr name. (_anjolie_)

Here are the links to the photos in my mosaic above:

1.  The Engagement by Anjolie Ela Menon oil on masonite India 2005, 2.  for a minute there, i lost myself, 3.  Lake Quinault 1, 4.  Sun and Signs, 5.  Smoking, 6. b.l.u.r., 7.  Boat, 8. A Sweet Bite To Eat.., 9. ARTISTE DANS SON ATELIER, 10.  moment, 11.  When the tears are not enough, 12.  Blue Champagne

I’m crossing my fingers that the links work because I had to play with them a bit to get them on here…(grr…they don’t, but I’ll fix them soon).

And I don’t think that’s really Johnny Depp up there…but it was my favorite shot out of the bunch (I only fudged and went to the second page for my first name).